I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
