I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
