I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
