i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
