you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
