I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
