do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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