Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
