You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
