I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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