you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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