oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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