alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
