I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
