I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What a dumb baby whore.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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