Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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