New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
