i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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