I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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