Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
