I must be too annoying 4 u.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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