I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
