goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i dont even know how to be here
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
