we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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