wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
