and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
