just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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