There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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