Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
