I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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