Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
