I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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