please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
