I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
