sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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