omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
