The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
