He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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