he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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