mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
