i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
