hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
