Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and she was petting her beer can
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
