Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
