I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
handjob tips. give me some.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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