Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
