I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
