My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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