I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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