How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
