I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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