If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
