If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
