he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How many fucks given?
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