i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Damn victory sex feels great
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
