Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
