I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You've changed since you got that strap on
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