youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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