I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
