When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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