Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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