I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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