whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
