Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
