They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
