my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
