You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Randomize
