I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
should my penis look like a turkey
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
