walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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