It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
