Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
