whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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